JangChoe.name

What are my passions? I don’t think I have any. Sure, I have a lot of hobbies. But I don’t think I have a true passion. I don’t have something that I spend 100% of my energy and life into.

I’ve always thought that one my passion was hacking (computer programming). I used to hate it so much in the beginning, but I started to like it. It gave me a certain level of creativity, craft, art, science, black-magic, and geek-dom. It encompassed so many qualities that it was a great candidate to be a passion. But from observing my actions and thoughts, I realized that it’s just a hobby.

I’m not like Larry Bird who stayed in the gym practicing jump shots after everyone has left practice. Or like Dr. Dre destroying his own recordings that he wasn’t satisfied with. Or like Gene Kelly who obsessed about perfecting his dance routines. I just don’t have that type of mentality and energy to do that.

On the other hand, it could mean that I do have passions. It’s just that I’m undisciplined. All the greats are known for their legendary work habits. I don’t have a legendary work habit. I’m a slacker.

Okay, compared to some idiots, I’m not a slacker. But compared to the greats, I’m a huge slacker. It’s okay though. Nobody I know has that type of work ethic. Nobody I know spends all their effort and time into their passion. Maybe that’s what separates all of us from the Michael Jordans, Tiger Woods, Steve Jobs, etc. With our low-level work ethic and mindset we’re all, at best, above average.

One of my favorite books I read was ??Mastery.?? Guess what the book was about? Yes, the book was about mastery. In the beginning of the book, it talks about 4 different types of people:

*1. The dabbler*– This is the guy that gets into new things enthusiastically. They make great progress in the beginning and then hit a plateau. Then something new comes up and they drop the old one to go to the new one. They don’t stick to one thing and grind it out, they just chase the next shiny thing.

These are they guys that go, “rock climbing? Cool, I wanna try!” Then they buy all the gear, gym passes, etc., Then after a few months they just stop going. They probably found a new hobby.

*2. The Obsessive*– These guys are the guys that think they cannot fail. They have huge egos and can’t stand the thought of losing. If they feel that they’re losing their “edge,” they will work hard at it until they get that “edge” back. Normally these guys burn out. What they’re doing is all for the wrong motives. Because they burn out, they don’t enjoy what they’re doing or quit .

*3. The Hacker (not the computer kind)*– These guys start out like a dabbler, and when they get to a certain skill level, they just stay there. They feel that they don’t need to improve anymore. They just stay mediocre.

*4. The Master*– These guys are the guys who take the time to grind it out. Who will work hard during all peaks and valleys. They guys continuously improve themselves and keep working at it. Not only that, they enjoy the practice, the process, and the thing that they’re doing. Eventually they’ll master their skill after a long period of time.

I’m a dabbler in most areas. Back in the day, I had many hobbies (rock climbing, ping pong, poker, martial arts, eating, RTS games, FPS games, programming, dancing, drawing, creative writing, etc.). I got pretty decent at those. Instead of working through my plateaus I just bounced from one hobby to next.

For my programming, I guess I’m going the master route. But I’m doing it lazily. Maybe there should be a 5th category called “Lazy Mastery.” The dabbler side of me comes and makes me lose motivation. I usually have to regain my focus and keep going.

It’s strange, I know the theory on how to achieve mastery. It’s simple: You just have to figure out where you want to be, formulate a plan to get there, grow some balls (or ovaries), and implement (not sit around and think about) the plan to the best of your abilities. Then just grind it out till you reach where you want to be. But sometimes I don’t do that and just daydream about stupid stuff.

So maybe I don’t put 100% effort into my passions because I’m too lazy and think too much (instead of just doing it). Or maybe I don’t put 100% effort into anything because I haven’t found my passions. Or Maybe it’s the third option… I just don’t want it bad enough.

We all have dreams. Some of our dreams are self-esteem based: money, fame, fortune, super models, etc., Some of our dreams are based on something that’s more important, more meaningful than our self-esteem like self-actualization or glorifying God. But to reach that dream will take work. Most of us, however; slack off. Why? Maybe we just don’t want it bad enough.

Logically, if we want something bad enough, we’ll work hard to get it. But we don’t. So maybe we just don’t want it bad enough. Maybe we’re all just hackers. We’re content in being just above average for our passions. We want to have it, we want to achieve our goals, but we just don’t want it _that_ bad.

There is a fourth option too. Maybe we all have our passions, have the discipline, and want it really bad. But accomplishing our goals takes time. It takes a _long_ time. How long? Years, many many years. So maybe we’re not slackers. It’s just too soon. Probably all the valleys and laziness are just a normal part of the process.

But when I think about it, I think I’m just a slacker.

“I wrote”:http://jangchoe.name/article/17/on-writing-well that my blogs are written for other people. After I wrote “that”:http://jangchoe.name/article/17/on-writing-well, I happened to read chapter 5 of On Writing Well. Chapter 5 deals with the audience you write for. It says that you need to write for yourself first. Writing is for your amusement, not to cater to others.

That was a slap in the head for me. It makes total sense. I begin to see the correlation between verbal and spoken communication. I’m finding out that they are not that different. In both forms of communications, you have to be yourself. You can’t hide behind a “character.”

Have you ever met someone powerful or intimidating? Maybe it was the CEO you’re your company. Maybe it was an attractive member of the opposite sex. Did you notice how you were communicating to them? Did you filter out certain words and actions? Did you create a “character” for them? Did you act and speak in a way that you thought was impressive to the other person? I’m sure most of us have. I noticed that if you relax and just be yourself, the communication is a lot smoother and people seem to like you better. When you try hard to be something else, it becomes weird. Something doesn’t seem genuine, and there’s this weird tension when you are talking to them.

Written communication is not much different. You write for yourself. You don’t take out your Thesaurus and look for “fancier” words to create your sentences. You don’t purposely look for pompous metaphors and symbolisms to “wow” your audience like David Copperfield on stage. You just have to be yourself when you write.

In a way, I do find writing a bit easier than speaking. I can revise my thoughts and sentences so it’s simple, clear, and perfect for me. In verbal communication, you can’t really do that. What’s said has been said, and what’s been done has been done. Not only that, you can’t hide your sub-communications such as your nervousness, tiredness, etc., Also I can practice writing anytime, and that’s less stressful than talking to strangers or making boring chit chat.

I get about 2 SPAM mails in my Yahoo email inbox. I get about 0 in my gmail inbox. I reckon that I get equal amounts of SPAM daily to both email accounts that go to my bulk/spam folder, but why does Yahoo keep sending SPAM to my inbox?

The SPAM that ends up in my inbox is not some high-tech, spam filter killing spam. It’s the old school spam. You know, the one where the To: field has every combination of email addresses. Not only that, the content is about how to enhance my sexual prowess or some hot penny stock. I thought Yahoo has engineers to filter out these stuff.

Oh well, I always thought Yahoo was better than that. At least they’re not as bad as MSN mail. Ouch.

I was never a good writer. I did horrible in my school papers. Back then, it never occurred to me to improve my writing. When I entered college and my career path was set, my belief was stronger. I was going to be a programmer, I didn’t need to learn how to write. I just needed to communicate to machines, not people.

As I grew older, I realized that was false. I improved my verbal communication skills, and now I decided that I need to improve my written communication skills. My first step was to create a “blog”:http://www.joblifeupgrade.com/ so I could write seriously. My previous blogs were just brain dumps (this blog is not much different) for my friends. My friends understood me, so I didn’t need to write well for them. Now my new blogs are for a larger audience, so I have to write well.

My next step was getting the book On Writing Well. I just read the first two chapters, and it already opened my eyes.

I just love books like these. You know it’s going to be good the first few chapters in, and you know your money was well spent. I have also signed up for a seminar at my company that deals with writing well. So hopefully after all that, my writing can start improving.

Okay, I forgot my arm is not functioning at all so I can’t do the sumo squats for my 30 day challenge. I need my arms to balance myself (maintain 6 directions) or I’m going to have a hard time doing 10 without getting frustrated. Since my right arm is pretty crippled, I can’t stretch them out. Oh well. I need some other exercise to do when hills are not available. I’ll think of something.

Thanks to one of my co-workers, I realized my love of food. I was always a big eater, and it was probably because I was such a glutton. I hope to write a lot about food. Speaking of food, Ratatouille was a great movie.